Post-Pandemic Margarita Preparations

How are you holding up? I mis-typed that as "holing up" and corrected it, but really, either of those fits.

What is this, week 7...or is it 8, since we've been staying home? I'm not sure, but it's long enough that calendars have lost their point and even homebodies like myself are ready to venture out a bit.

I'm glad restrictions are starting to ease up some. I'm ready to get gussied up and go out for margaritas.

My dilemma right now though is I have absolutely nothing to wear when the time comes that I actually CAN go out for cocktails or...anything for that matter.

I hate most everything in my closet and most things are the wrong color for me (or will be soon) because like I mentioned a while back, I'm letting my gray hair grow out from my dyed auburn.

My grey grow-out started pre-pandemic, so I've got a good 3 inches already. As I look in the mirror every day and see those white walkers creeping down my scalp, I realize I better step up my game in the wardrobe department or I'm going to look and feel very old.

I know, I know...that's not a very modern thing to say right now, when gray hair is trendy and we're in the age of "you're only as old as you feel". But the reality is, it's only trendy if the gray hair comes from a bottle. When it's sprouting wild right out of your head, it doesn't feel trendy at all. It feels hella old.

To add to my gray hair woes, I have snaggle-toes, home-cut bangs, extra pounds, and no suitable summer wardrobe.

I suppose that's the song of every woman in America right now.

It actually sounds very petty for me to even complain about those things in the midst of this pandemic, when there are people who have lost their jobs, businesses, and worst of all, loved ones. My heart goes out to them. It truly does.

But...can we get back to the pedi things (pun intended) for just a minute? My sister and daughter had similar insignificant complaints so they came over yesterday and we painted each other's toes and fingers.

I even made cucumber water, like we were in a fancy salon. It was so nice to have some girl time and also not to have snaggle-toes anymore.

Nothing says "I lived through a pandemic and I'm ready for summer now" then pretty pink toes.

We also did a little online clothes shopping yesterday. I always thought I was an apple shape because I gain weight around my middle. But I was reading this post about dressing for your body shape and there was a link to a body calculator where you key in your measurements and it tells you your shape.

Turns out, I'm a rectangle.

Small hips and rear and not a clearly defined waist are traits of a rectangle. As rectangles get older, they may put on weight in their bellies, making them think they are apples.

Feed a rectangle a cookie and it turns into an apple. Isn't that a children's book? Wait...no, that's Feed a Mouse a Cookie.

Anyway, I'm trying to buy clothes that flatter my shape and work with what I already own, while not going too crazy with it, because budget.

I ordered a few tunics from Amazon and some capris from Kohl's. I'll let you know how that goes. Since it's so exciting and all.

The other thing I've been doing recently, along the lines of preparing to be seen in public again, is buying cheap costume jewelry.

Like the always gorgeous Dolly says, "It costs a lot to look this cheap."

My cousin's daughter-in-law sells jewelry and everything is $5. It's really cute stuff in any style you can think of.

Just don't get it wet and it lasts and stays sparkly and shiny for longer than you would think for that price. Like years.

She does Facebook lives and displays the jewelry and people comment if they want to buy it and she ships it. Here's the link to her group if you want to check it out Lovely Little Jems VIP.

A few pieces for your viewing pleasure. I bought the bottom two and maybe one...or two...or a few...more things.

I've bought more jewelry than I should, especially since just a few months ago I cleaned out my unused jewelry and had a yard sale.

But you know what? Tastes change. Wardrobes change. We change. If buying a few inexpensive baubles in anticipation of going out for a post-pandemic margarita, makes me feel less...grey...then I refuse to feel guilty for restocking my earring holder.

Did that sentence make any sense at all?

Let's see. I covered pedicures, clothes, jewelry...what's left?

Oh yeah. Extra pounds.

I blame those on roller coaster stress eating. At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt like we had to ration food, so I ate less and actually lost a couple pounds.

As the days dragged on though, I realized snacks were abundantly available, and I abundantly availed. Booze was available too, although you actually had to go out to get it. Fred risked his life going inside the grocery store for two boxes of wine for me a few weeks ago and since he stocked me up, I availed of that too. I mean, he risked his life and everything, how could I not?

In addition to the wine and snacks, I started eating meat again (after five months of only eating fish). I felt like I could stretch meals better if Fred and I ate similarly, so I gave up my vegetarianism. The result of all my food debauchery is I gained those pounds back and maybe a couple more.

It also doesn't help that I've been trying new recipes and generally just spending more time in the kitchen. And that's where the snacks are, so.

I made homemade tortillas for the first time and Fred, who prefers to eat food with barcodes on it, actually liked them more than store-bought. I used this super easy recipe that uses olive oil instead of lard.

As part of my post-pandemic margarita preparations though, a week ago I went back to my healthier eating. That was about the time the meat shortages became a thing, so that worked out well. Fish and tofu seem to be abundantly available.

Last night I made meatless manicotti which, surprisingly, is Fred's favorite dish. He's very much a meat and potatoes man, with the exception of manicotti.

With me not eating meat again, I'm back to making 2 different entrees for dinner but I make enough for 2 nights at a time, so that's means I only cook 2 dinners 3 nights a week.

That's way too much math.

Hey, now! That's a good story problem for you home-schooling moms. "If Fred only eats meat and Lori doesn't eat meat, and Fred won't eat the same meal more than twice in a row, how many meatless meals and how many meals with meat does Lori have to cook each week?"

Look at me, helping the home-schooling community. And you thought this blog was about petty stuff.

That math doesn't actually add up because I forgot to add that one night is "fend" night, which means "fend for your effing self, I'm effing tired of cooking."

Best not include that in the story problem.

Yes, that's a paper plate - don't judge me!

The last post-pandemic margarita preparedness thing I still need to to do is buy a new blush.

I ran out of my current blush a few weeks ago and the rare times I had to go out and look alive (so people didn't think I was sick) I had to use my backup blush which is really too orange-y for me and I've kept it only because it was a pricier brand and not a color anyone I knew wanted to take off my hands.

You can't shop for a new blush color online, you just can't.

I saw a drugstore ad in the paper today, that if you bought $30 worth of cosmetics, you got a free makeup bag filled with sample products. Who doesn't love those?! And I could totally spend $30 because I also need under-eye concealer and wrinkle cream.

It's been a rough pandemic. And also, yes, I'm an old lady who still reads the Sunday paper.

So today, I gussied up a little bit (and by "gussied" I mean I wore pants with a zipper and put on mascara), added a few pieces of my cheap jewelry, and went into the store.

Sidebar: I always giggle when I type "gussy" because it reminds me of the time I texted my boss about the office Christmas party preparations and I said "I'm leaving early to go home and hussy up for the party." I meant "gussy" of course. Stupid Autocorrect.

Anyway, back to my gussied self and the drugstore. I didn't want to spend $30 unless I was going to for sure get my free bag. Because budget.

I found a guy stocking lotion and asked him if they had any of the makeup bags left. He said they had run out, but more were coming in on Wednesday and he would set one aside for me.

My cheap jewelry and I must have given off a vibe because he was a little bit flirty and I think he scratched his crotch while we were talking. He probably thought I was hussied up too.

But will I go back to visit Itchy at the drugstore on Wednesday to get my $30 freebie even though he may possibly be expecting a hook-up?

 You bet your itchy balls I am!

Because budget.

I'll let you know what happens with that.

I'll have to stop this titillating account of my weekend now, because I'm hungry and leftover manicotti is calling.

I'll leave you with a picture of a shameless hussy leaving the drugstore pleased with herself about hopefully scoring a free makeup bag of goodies.

Signed,
Smug Hussy

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Image modified from Tai's Captures on Unsplash